Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical Ch3

Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical

Chapter Three: Down and Out

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(Lights come up on the interior of the MALL. The entire joint is overwhelmed with COMMON INFECTED, all of which are milling around, standing there blankly, fighting or expressing extreme discomfort. They're chanting in low, gruff voices)

COMMON INFECTED:

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

(A HUNTER and a wheezing SMOKER enter from stage left. They observe the chanting COMMON INFECTED for a moment. The chanting continues below their words)

SMOKER:

What'th their problem? (cough)

HUNTER:

No clue.

(The HUNTER bounds over to and addresses a zombie)

HUNTER:

Hey, you! What's all the moaning for?

ZOMBIE:

Easy for you to ask- YOU'RE a special infected. You're strong and way cooler than we are. So there's no problem... not for you anyway.

SMOKER:

Tho you all want to become (wheeze) thpecial infected?

(The COMMON INFECTED all nod, keeping up their chant)

HUNTER (aside to the SMOKER):

If we rile 'em up enough we'll squish those humans downstairs like bugs.

SMOKER:

Thounds good to me...

(THEY address the COMMON INFECTED HORDE)

SMOKER:

You can be jutht as thtrong as uth! All you need is thrategy... and plenty of enthuthiathm.

HUNTER:

Yeah!

(The HUNTER begins to sing loudly over the HORDE'S chant, trying to get morale up)

HUNTER:

You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up. Think of all the time you're wasting, time's a precious thing to let go by!

HORDE:

... down, down, down and out...

SMOKER:

Thure, you've hit the bottom but remember you'll be building from the ground up! (cough)

HUNTER:

Ev'ry day's another step that takes you even closer to this guy!

(The HUNTER gestures to a nearby TANK. The HORDE gives an excited gasp. More special infected step forward, eager to excite the HORDE and get the SURVIVORS)

HUNTER:

So give it a try.

HORDE:

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out.

JOCKEY:

You (hehe) don't have to sit around (haha!), depressed about the way that luck deceived you... (AHAHA).

SPITTER:

Fortune sailed away, you missed the boat and found that you'd been left behind!

HUNTER:

Fight and bite some more until special infection is ready to receive you.

CHARGER:

Lady luck's a fickle bird, but a lady is allowed to change her mind...

ALL SPECIAL INFECTED:

You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up!

So be a man (although you can't!), you can't be certain that it won't work until you try.

You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up!

So be a man (although you can't!), you can't be certain that it won't work until you try.

So give it a try...

(The HORDE a now wild with rabid conviction that if they fight like special infected, they have a chance at becoming them. They've formed rows and are marching slowly offstage as the lights dim. The SPECIAL INFECTED stand forward, watching them leave)

HORDE:

We are marching up, up, up and out...

We are marching up, up, up and out...

We are marching up, up, up and out...

We are marching up, up, up and out...

TANK:

Those damn humans are gonna need some serious balls to get outta here alive...

HUNTER:

They're heading for the abandoned evac station... we'd better go get ready for when the horde-

JOCKEY (interrupting):

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

ALL SPECIAL INFECTED:

What now?

JOCKEY (stifling giggles):

... you said balls.

(The SPECIAL INFECTED sigh and head offstage. The CHARGER grabs the JOCKEY and carries him like a sack of potatoes- he's still laughing too hard to walk off on his own. BLACKOUT)

(Lights come up on the SURVIVORS, moving quickly through one of the wings of the MALL. ROCHELLE gazes wistfully around)

ROCHELLE:

Man, check out all these stores. What I wouldn't give for a new pair of shoes right now...

COACH:

Head in the game, little sister.

ELLIS:

WOAH. No cotton-pickin' way!

NICK:

What now?

(ELLIS excitedly points, speechless, at a huge, colourful banner hanging near an escalator)

NICK:

"Get your picture taken with Jimmy Gibbs Junior's stock car, this week only in the Liberty Mall, Savannah." Should this be ringing bells? Cos it isn't.

ELLIS:

Wait, what? JIMMY GIBBS JUNIOR, man! That fella is the pride of Georgia. Greatest driver to ever grace a track. And hot damn, I coulda gotten my picture taken with his car. I HATE this apocalypse.

NICK (studying the picture):

Really? Looks like a fucking goof to me.

ELLIS:

Uh-uh, you did NOT just-

ROCHELLE:

LOOK. Can we please just find this evacuation station and shoot some infected before we shoot each other?

COACH:

Sounds good to me.

(The SURVIVORS begin to make their way through the MALL, stopping to reload from time to time. NICK pips up again after a few seconds)

NICK:

So hold on... you're telling me Hicksville managed to produce a decent driver? Findin' those odds kind of slim here...

(COACH and ELLIS start to retort but ROCHELLE butts in)

ROCHELLE:

Oh, no. This can't be happening. No way.

(The SURVIVORS stand before the abandoned evacuation station. It's deserted other than a few zombie corpses. They're horrified, but COACH is the quickest to regain himself)

COACH:

We need to get out of here. Fast. This place is choking with infected and we're not getting rescued from here, so... how the hell do we get out without gettin' ourselves killed?

ELLIS:

I have an idea.

(The OTHERS turn to him, just the tiniest bit surprised)

ELLIS:

Let's go find Jimmy Gibbs's stock car. We get that thing gassed up, we can drive outta here. Maybe even make some roadkill.

ROCHELLE:

Ellis, that is GENIUS!

NICK:

Fine, but I'm driving.

ELLIS:

Uh-uh. My idea. I get to drive that stock car, ya hear?

(There's a sudden commotion from offstage. The screams of the infected are close, and the SURVIVORS are stunned they didn't hear the HORDE coming)

COACH:

Run.

(The SURVIVORS don't move a muscle)

COACH:

RUN!

(The SURVIVORS sprint off stage right, towards the ATRIUM. Within seconds the HORDE passes from stage left to stage right, after them)

HORDE (offstage):

Up, up, up, and out!

(BLACKOUT)